


love is,

by udagawa



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Getting Together, M/M, hbd koga oogomi, koga learns what love is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28385964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/udagawa/pseuds/udagawa
Summary: Koga isn't sure what love is, but he knows that whatever he's feeling towards Rei isnotit.
Relationships: Oogami Kouga/Sakuma Rei
Kudos: 31





	love is,

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday jazumi i love u sooo much i know u said not to do anything but idgaf! i hope u like this also sorry for adding soukao in i couldnt stop myself :3

_Koga-kun, I think I like you._

He's five, knee deep in the sandpit when he hears this. He turns around too fast, plastic spade still in hand, and sprays sand all over the girl with the pink bow in her hair and her hands balled into fists. There's a second of silence and Koga thinks about apologising, but the moment is over too soon and the girl is crying now, head tilting back so that her reddened face meets the sun. He watches the tears run down her cheek, taken aback by the way they turn the patches of sand they touch a dark brown. A teacher rushes over and there is so much happening at once that Koga can't keep up -- by the time he registers the teacher's scolding, they're both gone. 

He decides to tell his mother about this when he gets home, and she laughs while ruffling his hair, telling him to apologise properly when he sees her tomorrow. _You'll figure it out when you're older,_ is all she says when he asks why she came up to him in the first place, and this response leaves Koga with more questions than answers. Still, he tries to do what his mother asks, waiting by her locker before class starts the next day, but she takes off in the other direction when she sees him, face red once again. _I should go after her,_ he thinks briefly, but then one of his friends comes up to him, asking if he'd like to join in on their game of tag. 

_She must be sick. That's why her face was so red._ This is what he tells himself as he tags a classmate out. He never talks to the girl again, and the incident quickly becomes history. 

_Oogami-kun, do you have a moment?_

He's not here voluntarily. If you asked him, he'd much rather be on the roof with his friends, stealing the cherry tomatoes from their lunchboxes. He wants to copy their English homework because he ~~couldn't be bothered~~ forgot to do his, and his teacher's a _bitch_ when it comes to stuff like this. It's a warm Thursday afternoon and he doesn't want to be here, in the shadows behind the gym, but the girl's hands shook as she approached him, leaving him little choice but to accept. 

_Will you go out with me?_

He's seen this before, in the shoujo anime his cousin made him watch. There are no cherry blossoms scattered around them, no dramatic wind, and the only accompanying music is the excited yells of the kids on the football field only a couple of meters away. _I'm sorry,_ sounded strange, like he'd done something wrong. _I cannot accept,_ sounded like he'd been offered an award of some sort. _I can't,_ sounded like he'd been asked to take someone's turn in cleaning the classroom after school rather than to go out on a date.

 _No,_ he says instead, the safest option in his eyes, and leaves it at that. He stands tall, shoulders back and hands in his pocket, so he won't be misunderstood. The girl's eyes widen, and she suddenly bows, a series of apologies muttered awkwardly. She's gone before Koga can tell her he doesn't need an apology, that it's not her fault that he doesn't like her, that if he remembered correctly Takahashi from the classroom next to theirs had called her pretty and that maybe she stood a better chance with him. 

This is Koga's first middle school confession. He wonders why they never show it like this on TV. 

_Everyone, this is Souma. He's my --_

_Shut up!_

Koga looks up from tuning his guitar to see Kaoru in the doorway, his arm slung around that long haired boy he'd seen hanging out with Adonis from time to time. He's surprised to see the two of them together, given his bandmate's strong distaste towards men and the other boy's evident hatred for the blond. Still, Kaoru's smiling, and though Souma's frowning up at him there's a hint of fondness in his eyes. He briefly wonders if he's ever looked at anyone that way, if anyone's ever looked at _him_ that way, and what those looks even meant in the first place. 

_They're dating,_ Adonis tells him, crouching down next to him. _Kanzaki told me earlier, during lunch._

_Right,_ he says, resuming his work on his guitar. _I'm more surprised by the fact that Hakaze-senpai showed up today. Sakuma-senpai isn't even here yet._

Adonis rolls his eyes and stands up again. The purple haired boy probably has the answers for the questions Koga won't ask, like who asked who out, how Kaoru knew he liked Souma, and what happens to the two of them now. He doesn't ask because it shouldn't matter to him, a boy whose biggest concerns currently are whether or not he needs to replace the strings of his guitar and if he remembered to feed his dog before coming to school this morning. 

Kaoru and Souma are arguing again, but their fingers are intertwined. Koga stares for a while before he catches himself, and turns his attention back to his guitar once more. It wouldn't do him well to be distracted during practice. 

_A love song? Are you fucking kidding me?_

He's got a chair pulled up by Adonis' desk and he sits in it backwards, his chin resting on the top of it. It's a Wednesday afternoon, and Koga was about to head home, counting his money to see if he had enough to get Leon a treat from the convenience store on the way, when his unitmate tapped his shoulder and gestured towards their classroom. _It won't take long,_ he'd said, so Koga begrudgingly put his wallet away and followed him, making a mental note to use this against Adonis later. 

_We've got no choice. I was informed about this at lunch today._ Adonis is sitting in his seat, one hand cradling his chin and the other idly rotating a pen between his fingers. Koga groans, tilting his head back so that he can see the pattern on the ceiling, the same one he's been staring at since he'd joined Yumenosaki. 

_This is stupid_ , he says, because it is. Still, he shouldn't be surprised that their unit's leader left the songwriting to the two of them, given his penchant for doing the bare minimum. It wasn't like they could rely on Kaoru either, seeing as lately, he'd been more concerned about how to make his new _boyfriend_ happy rather than how they could succeed as UNDEAD. (Not that he'd been helping all that much before he dated Souma, though.) 

_We have until next week,_ Adonis continues, unfazed by Koga's annoyance. _He said to draw on our own romantic experiences if we're unsure of what to write about._

Koga has to bite back a laugh. _Romantic experiences, he says_. _Not all of us are so lucky, stupid vampire bastard._

_How does that matter? You could just write about Sakuma-senpai._

Adonis doesn't move when saying this, still staring at the pen spinning between his fingers. He's so calm and collected that Koga briefly wonders if he imagined the response, if he was somehow making up the implication behind those words. But then Adonis turns to face him, an eyebrow raised, and he knows the other boy is waiting for a reply. 

_Sakuma-senpai,_ he repeats. It's a dumb reply, he knows, but in that moment there's nothing else he can think to say. He hopes Adonis doesn't pick up on how off-guard he currently is. _Why the hell would I write about him?_

 _You watch him, during practice._ Adonis says easily, like it's something he'd been thinking about for a while. He stops spinning his pen, and there's a glint in his eye that Koga can't recognise. It makes him uncomfortable, so he forces a glare to try and counter this strange feeling. It doesn't work. _Not in the way that I do when I want to copy his movements for our next live, or the way Hakaze-senpai does when he is mentally willing him to let us out half an hour early. You look at him... differently._

 _I don't like him. Not in that way,_ he responds, eager to clear up any misunderstandings before they turn into something he can't control. He hopes this reply will return the conversation to what it was before, two boys complaining about their workload, rather than an inspection of Koga's feelings, but Adonis is smiling now. _What?_

 _I didn't say anything about liking him,_ is all he says, and Koga feels himself go red all the way to his ears. _But, well, if the shoe fits._

 _It doesn't fit. And stop using such weird phrases, or you'll never get a girlfriend._ Koga's rambling now, he's aware of this, but he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't understand why it's so hard for him to deny this _clearly_ inaccurate statement, why he goes red every time their leader is mentioned, why even now, he's thinking of the older boy. He decides to think about this later, when Adonis' eyes aren't burning holes into him. _Let's just get this over with already, so I can go home._

It's obvious that Adonis wants to say more but he complies, pulling out a piece of paper from his backpack and passing it to the other boy. When Koga snatches it away with a little too much force, he laughs, and the sound leaves a bitter taste in the silver-haired boy's mouth. 

He doesn't like Rei. Never has, never will. 

_Wanko, come here for a second._

He wants to leave. Practice is over, and every fibre in his body pulls him towards the door, where Adonis stands with an eyebrow raised. He _knows_ , the sly bastard. He knows, and he still mumbles some half-hearted excuse about needing to meet Souma before leaving. 

It's just Koga and Rei now. Rei grins.

 _You did well today,_ he says, and the hairs on the back of Koga's neck stand on end. Ever since his conversation with Adonis, he's become embarrassingly aware of every interaction he has with his unit leader, from a simple _hello_ in the corridors to a pat on the back after a live ends. He feels like _his_ life is going to end soon, if this keeps up.

 _Thanks. Is that all you needed?_ He's being unfair. Rei hasn't even done anything out of the ordinary, but Koga can already feel his brows meet at a point above his nose, and a tinge of annoyance at the pit of his stomach. 

If Rei notices this, he doesn't say anything. Instead he sighs, looking out the window like a forlorn singer in a 2000s music video. _It's soon,_ is all he says, and Koga's heart drops. Rei hasn't specified what 'it' is, but he doesn't have to - it's the same 'it' that's been on the younger boy's mind since the commencement assembly at the beginning of the year, the same 'it' he's been uncomfortably aware of ever since he was introduced to his _senior_ , Rei Sakuma. 

_Yeah,_ he replies, a beat too late, and this time Rei notices. He's still looking out the window, but Koga can tell from the way his skin pulls around his eyes that he's got _that_ smile on, the one he always has on when he thinks he's alone backstage after a live. He wonders when he started noticing things like this, when he began to feel like this around Rei. 

Adonis' grin flashes in his mind. He rolls his eyes. 

_You've grown a lot since I met you._ Rei still won't meet his eye. Koga doesn't know how he feels about that. _Like... a dog, now. Something powerful, strong. Not just a little puppy anymore._

Koga absentmindedly puts a hand to his head - Rei used to do this, when they were younger. _I'm not a dog, stupid vampire,_ he growls, but his voice catches on the last syllable and he has to clear his throat. _And stop talking like that, like you're going to die or something._

 _Or something,_ Rei parrots, and there's a soft chuckle that follows. _Still, it's like death, isn't it? The Rei Sakuma of UNDEAD, he'll be dead in... two weeks from today._

 _You're being dramatic_. This isn't what he wants to say. _Graduating's the same for everyone._ He wants to tell him he won't die, not within UNDEAD, that as long as Koga's part of it he'll do anything to keep Rei alive. That he can't die because he's a fucking _vampire_ , and even if it's childish and stupid he'll say it over and over, just to have Rei by his side again.

 _I suppose so,_ the black-haired man hums, tilting his head back. Koga follows the outline of his Adam's apple with his eyes, wonders if he's eating enough. He wonders if anyone else thinks like this, if he _wants_ anyone else to think like this. _You'll see me off, right?_

Koga wants to laugh. _Where else would I be?_

This answer seems to satisfy Rei, who stands up and faces his unitmate. _We don't have very long left together,_ he says, and he's smiling again. The hint of sadness behind it is still there. _If there's something you want to tell me, then you may as well do it now._

 _There's nothing,_ is the response he gets, along with a scowl. _I don't need you, you know._ _Me and Adonis are going to take UNDEAD to a whole new level by ourselves, and someday when we make it to the top, you're going to wish you were still with us._

Rei laughs, and Koga feels his throat tighten. _Is that so?_

 _Oi, I'm serious._ Like this, he feels like a child again, trying to convince his mother that the imaginary friend he sees is real. _You may be stronger than me now, but I'll get better. You'll be glad to have known me._

_I'm already glad to have known you, Koga._

Just like that, the world stops spinning. The birds outside are silent, the grass no longer moves in time with the wind. There is no more casual chatter from the other students, no soft guitar playing from the room next door. There is only Koga's heart, pounding loud in his chest, moving so fast and so powerfully that one could only assume it was trying to leap out of his chest and into's Rei. He clenches his fists. 

_Don't die,_ Koga blurts out. He hopes Rei knows what he means. _You have to watch me, so don't die._

The other boy's eyes widen, and then he smiles. _I won't._ He knows. 

"Hey," Adonis says, taking a seat beside Koga. "You okay?"

The silver-haired boy nods back at him. "Yeah, just replying to Rei. He's asking how the live went." 

His unitmate shakes his head like he's part of a joke that Koga doesn't understand. (He mouths _Rei_ in surprise, but of course, Koga never sees this.) "He watches the whole thing, encore and all, and still takes the time to text you to ask? As expected of Sakuma-senpai."

"Don't say it like that." The guitarist can feel his face redden, but somehow, he doesn't completely hate the feeling. "He's just being considerate. You're making it weird."

"I'm just saying it as it is," Adonis says, shrugging. He leans back on his hands, looking up at the sky. "You know, you smile a lot more these days."

Koga stiffens, fingers frozen in the middle of a reply to Rei. "No, I don't. _"_

"You do," He's doing it again, giving Koga that look that tells him he's being stupid, that Adonis already knows everything the other boy won't say. Koga rolls his eyes. "All it takes is a mention of high school, of UNDEAD, of a _certain_ leader and you get lost in your own world. Sometimes, you hum the songs by Hakaze-senpai and Sakuma-senpai on the way to a live, getting so into it that anyone would think it's _your_ song."

"What the fu--"

"It's nice, Koga." This is the first time he's referred to by name during the conversation, so Koga's head whips up to look at the other boy. He's smiling, and there's no ulterior motive behind it. "Whatever you have, don't let go of it."

He thinks of the messages on his phone, of red eyes, pale skin, thin lips curled into a knowing smile. He thinks of late night calls, of promises made when no one else is listening, of sighs breathed into a pillow. He thinks of fingers brushing, of skin meeting, of being so connected to each other that it becomes impossible to know where one starts and the other ends. He thinks of how long he's been thinking about this, of how even now, all he wants to do is go home and think about it some more.

"Yeah," is all he says, finally, pocketing his phone and wiping his hands on his pants. "It's nice." 

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @nijoharu (req=ok!)


End file.
